What do you say to a person (with whom you live, and who is also a parent) who suffers from schizophrenia (or any other psychosis for that matter)? I know that such individuals have poor insight regarding the fact that they have an illness. Yet, what if the person COMPLETELY denies the fact that he/she is even SLIGHTLY ill? How do you respond (in a calm, logical manner) to someone who suffers from extreme paranoid delusions/hallucinations (and has been suffering ever since adolescence)??? Or, for that matter, how does one respond to a person whose behavior and speech is grossly disorganized and remarkably petulant and impetuous? Moreover, what can one do when his/her parent REFUSES to take their medication or see their psychiatrist? I know that I, as one individual, have no power over another. However, is there absolutely nothing I can do to help????

It sounds like you've been dealing with this for a long time, and perhaps on your own too. Realize your anger, frustration and sadness are all really natural reactions to a very difficult situation and certain things become even more painful when the person who is ill is your parent. I speak as someone who not only lives with a mental illness but also grew up with a mother who suffered from bipolar disorder for most of my life.

First and foremost: take care of yourself by talking to someone who knows how to help you cope with this. I wish I had gone into therapy earlier than I did. I don't know how old you are, if you're in high school, graduated from college, living with your mom or dad, regardless I recommend talking to your family doctor to discuss the intensity of the situation. You are not your parent's parent, yet you might be in that position. It was vital for me to get emotional support and practical tools to understand how to deal with a very hard situation. Have your doctor refer you to family counselor or psychiatrist who does psychotherapy (visits to psychiatrists are covered by Medicare). If you go to school, talk to an adult there who you trust. Create a coping strategy with them so you have steps to follow and practice when the going gets tough.

Secondly: let your mom or dad's doctor know that the illness is not being managed well and that it's very stressful for you. Ask them what can be done. You may not get a lot of information from them, but it's important you let someone know and get some help yourself.

You have a really good understanding of the illness and the lack of insight that accompanies it. When someone is in a psychotic episode, trying to speak rationally is futile. Remaining calm and neutral without engaging in debates about the paranoia is important. But sometimes regardless of how you respond, things don't improve. Get other family members on board, so you don't have to shoulder the brunt of the illness.

Click on this link for schizophrenia societies and support groups across Canada. Many of the organizations have excellent support and information for family members. You will find out you are not alone.

British Columbia Schizophrenia Society

Also these books may be helpful:

• Marsh, Diane T. and Dickens, Rex M. (1997): Troubled Journey: Coming to Terms with Mental Illness of a Sibling or Parent. Jeremy P. Tarcher Inc.
• Mueser, K. and Gingerich, S. (1992): Coping with Schizophrenia: A Guide for Families. New Harbinger, Oakland, CA
• Secunda, Victoria (1998) When Madness Comes Home: Help & Hope for Children, Siblings and Partners. Disney Press
• Torrey, E. Fuller 2001 Surviving Schizophrenia: A Manual for Consumers, Families, and Providers (4th ed.). Harper Row, NY (2000)