Please guide me on how to deal with this excrutiating pain and anxiety. My son, 22, is in his 3rd week of hospitalization in Nashville. He attempted suicide/overdosed on Zoloft. He has been diagnosed with Bipolar, Major Depression. I obtained his consent for Health Care Agent when the Psychiatrist mentioned the need for ECT treatments, as well as requesting a second opinion. Steven is now currently receiving ECT treatments which have been bumped up to 4 per week. He is scheduled to get an entire series of 15-18 ECT treatments. I am absolutely about to fall apart over this. I am continually bursting out into tears and I feel that Stevens case is hopeless and that he will not get any better because they keep telling me over and over how severely depressed he is. I feel like I am going to lose my baby. I don't know how to help him. He has been so confused since beginning the treatments, like a little child. I'm even considering filing for disability for him because his Psychiatrist and Case Manager both suggested it, which makes it apparent to me that there is not any hope for his recovery. Please tell me how I can help him.

Firstly as a mother of a 19 year old son, I am sorry and sad about what you and Steven are currently dealing with. It is very important that to be of any service to Steven, you need to take care of yourself first. One way of taking care of yourself is to continue to feel into how sad and scared you are about Stevens' situation. How do you do this and not collapse into a state of hopelessness? The truth is that you do not know what the future holds for Steven and so although it is important to be realistic about his condition, it is also essential to maintain some element of hope for his recovery. If you remain hopeless, then he is more likely to share your sense of hopelessness and this absence of hope can impair his ability to recover from his treatments.

You also want to make sure that you get plenty of rest (lie down even if you can't sleep) and that you eat as well as possible. I found when my son was going through a difficult time with his emotional health, I made sure that I went for plenty of long walks. I also went to see a counselor who had some experience with what my son was going through so that she could relate to what I had to share. I also participated in a support group where I was able to share my fears about what was happening and how his condition might impact on his ability to work and to become self-sufficient. Just having other mothers there who could identify with what I was going through was exceedingly helpful. I also talked with my partner, my sons' father, about my fears and he would listen and provide some degree of reassurance.

Although I have felt a lot of joy as a parent, I have also experienced a lot of pain and hurt and fear as a parent, particularly when my son has been hurting. I know how important it is to be available to listen to your sons' fears and to help guide him through the mental health system so that he can make decisions that will benefit him. It is also important Kathy that you do not share your fears and pain with him, you need to express your feelings in the solitude of your own home or with your partner or friend or support group or counselor or your own parents. He needs you to be as available as possible because he is likely very scared about what is happening and what these treatments mean to his life in the long term.

Regarding the issue of applying for disability, you'll have to discuss this option with Steven and his doctors and weigh out the pros and cons of this decision. On the one hand it can be useful to have disability if he needs it in the short or long term and on the other hand, it can be a disadvantage if he has it and uses it when he might not need it.

Much warmth,

Lisa Little