by Lisa Little, M.Sc., Chartered Psychologist
(About Lisa)(This question answered on or before: 2007-01-10)
I have a daughter who has fallen in love with a charming young man. My concern is that this young man, now 20, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 14 (he has a family history). It seems to be "mild". He takes his medication, seems fine most of time, according to my daughter. I like this young man but I am worried about the future for my daughter should she continue to be involved with him --- which seems to be the plan.
What should a parent do? I've kept my mouth shut, but I can only see sorrow ahead.
KW
Hello KW,
I would encourage you to share your feelings of fear with your daughter rather than remain silent with her. It is okay to share your feelings with your daughter and to let her know what it is that you are worried about. Are you worried that a relationship will be more difficult for her because of his bipolar condition? Are you worried that she will end up focusing on his condition and lose herself? Are you worried that if they have children together, that there is an increased risk of having a child with bipolar condition? Can you share your worries with her without having an expectation that she will terminate the relationship with him?
Even if she does experience sorrow (and she will because relationships hurt) with this young man, as a parent, you can not protect her from experiences that will hurt her. She needs to go through her own relational experiences and some aspects of the relationship will ultimately generate joy and some aspects will create sorrow.
We have a support group based in Calgary that offers support to people who are partners of, or family members of people with bipolar disorder. If you sense that she is struggling in any way with this issue in their relationship, you could recommend that she attend a support group, if there is one in your area. There are also dozens of books available on the subject and these are a valuable resource for partners and family members to read so that they can understand some of what people with bipolar disorder experience as a result of their medical condition.
All the best KW,
Warmly, Lisa
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