Hello,

I had previously noticed a notion I had received regarding my therapist- When he had initiated a hug at the end of a session rather spontaneously, I felt that there was perhaps something more therein (perhaps I was just overreacting).

As time has passed, I've found myself having intense erotic feelings toward him, as well as a psychiatrist I occasionally see. I'm very much aware of the phenomena of erotic transference and countertransference and have experienced such before with teachers and professors. Though I've hinted at a few things before, these feelings have yet to be addressed in the psychotherapeutic setting. After just having had an extremely productive session in which I initiated a hug (for the first time in many months), I said I would be ready to open up and start talking more next time. I'm wondering how to address such feelings with the concerned parties? I don't want this to jeopardize our psychotherapeutic relationship in any way. Maybe I'm still living in a bit of a fantasy world and am stuck believing that these feelings I have toward my therapist and psychiatrist could come to fruition and therefore am more reluctant to mention such. I know I need to address this subject matter, but I don't know where to begin. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

Thank you very much for your time and consideration!

Respectfully,

Vanessa

Hello Vanessa,

You seem to understand that the feelings that you have for your therapist are natural in a therapeutic relationship. Like you, many people would prefer to live with the fantasy of this relationship coming to fruition rather than know the truth that a therapeutic relationship cannot become an intimate one. I would feel your feelings and share these directly with your therapist because these feelings can be fertile territory to work through some important issues around your feelings of the opposite sex. If your therapist is a true professional with ethical boundaries, he will make it clear to you that the relationship that you fantasize about is not going to materialize. If he continues to not deal with your feelings directly and you sense any kind of inappropriate behavior between you, I would terminate the therapeutic relationship with him. There is no growth that can come when a therapist cannot handle your feelings directly and with clear boundaries and there is no growth that can stem from you continuing to fantasize about a possible intimate relationship with him or any other professional.

If this relationship does end, and it might if you bring forward your feelings, I would recommend that you see a female therapist (for now) that can assist you to work through your issues with the masculine.

Warmly,
Lisa