Dr. Gorman: My nephew, 23, joined the US Navy at age 18 and had a nervous breakdown and the symptoms of bipolar disorder began to show themselves. He was medically discharged and diagnosed with the most serious form of bipolar disorder. He was living at home and going to school and working part time and seeing a psychiatrist.

On Feb 2 2004, without warning and no notes to his parents, no reaching out to his grandparents, his aunts (I am one of them) or his friends, in our country I am sad we found out in hindsight he sought out a sporting goods store and applied for a gun called a 9MM Baretta. He waited the three days waiting period and even with his background that day, Monday February 2 2004, he was accepted. In hindsight, he drove to the sporting goods store and purchased this gun at 1:30 PM and by 3:30 PM he had shot himself in the head and killed himself. We are devastated.

His birthday is November 3 2004 and he would have been only 24 years old. How can I commemorate his existence? I would like to do something, donate something, anything and I cannot come up with anything. If only he had reached out to one of us. He was on his medications but had deliberately quit taking them two days prior to that Monday obviously planning the entire event. What can I do?

Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated as I find myself increasingly sad over my nephew's impulsive, senseless death when he was really just starting his life. He was a good, sweet, kind young man and I want to do something for him. Unfortunately, I am up against the NRA in my country to change the gun laws that would have prevented this from happening but that is another story. Please, any counseling would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely, Sandra

Sandra, I am sorry for your loss. The first place you should look is the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance Association at www.dbsalliance.org. This is a self help, support and advocacy group in America that is nation wide, and there are a number of chapters in Iowa.

Often people with these conditions are gifted people, which make their loss from suicide even more tragic. I would consider talking to a mental health professional about this loss, and also for the other members of your family. The best book that I know of is Called “Darkness Falls Fast” and it is written by someone with bipolar disorder and also an expert in the field (Dr. Kay Jamieson). Dr. Jamieson suggests in her book that most people hear about gun deaths and assume it is a homicide problem. In fact, it is far more likely that it is a suicide problem. And again, I am very sorry for you loss.